Life

Knowing our life will end someday should give us new eyes each and every day.

Most times we live life like it will go on forever. And while that's a lie we like to tell ourselves it robs us of the importance each hour holds - these fleeting present moments where we live our days.

What we should fear is not death, but not living life while we have it. Ignoring the sweetness of the days we have. Not to wish away the hours, but make each and every day special with the knowledge of its limits. To love and care about each other. To be there when we're needed because our actions and inactions have consequences that will far out live our lives.

Life is messy. I'll admit it. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. Sometimes life is just what it is. Don't ignore it or waste it away. It's precious. It's special. It's the one thing you can call your own. You have something more valuable than anything else in the world - life and the freedom to make it whatever your want. It's the only gift you have to give this crazy mixed up world.

And in the end it will be the love you gave, the kindness you showed, and the care in which you lived your days that will live beyond the last breath you take.

Good Day Bad Day

Sometimes the difference between a good day and a bad day is so small you might not even notice. It cloud be as simple as a smile. As easy as a kind word. It could happen in a heartbeat or it could take all afternoon.

It's less what happens to you, and more what happens inside you. It's that one moment when you realize were all the same. Nobody is better than anyone else. Everyone has the same hopes and dreams and goals and concerns. We're all trying to get to the same place. The place that feels like home. Where we feel like we're supposed to be.

Imagine you and I meet in the hallway at work and suddenly we realize that's true. That the best way to make this crazy world work is to work together. To help each other instead of get in each others way. I help you and you help me. We both get what we need and where we need to go.

I don't think life is the battle we all think it is. I think it's about pulling together. Helping each other. Doing what we can to show kindness and understanding to each other. Sometimes life is easy, sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it's just what it is. Might as well help each other in the process. Might as well do our best to made things better if we can.

Problem Solver

Paulie said to me, "There are two different kinds of people in the world, problem creators and problem solvers, and you know which one you are, Kris? You're a problem solver!"

Wish that life were so simple.

It's true. I spend most of my time solving problems and fixing things. It's what I do. And for the most part it comes easy to me. I'm not sure why. Basically I just take the time to figure out how something should work and then go from there. It's amazing how things come together if you just take the time to examine it before you set out to fix it.

I learned this from watching my Dad. He knew enough about things mechanical, electrical, and spatial to figure out just about anything, and what he didn't know he just applied basic logic to. He was a master at improvising. If he didn't have the tool he needed he'd figure out how to make another work in its place. He was thoughtful, being sure not to create additional work for himself, and methodical. He was always a few steps ahead in his thinkingy as he went along making sure whatever he did in step one didn't affect the success of steps four and five. These are the qualities that make a good problem solver.

Some people comment about the amount of patience I have when I'm working on something. Not sure if I really am. Indeed there are things I can be very impatient about. But give me a good puzzle, something that takes a bit of logic, strategy, and planning and I could go all day long. It's just flat out fun to me.

So I guess Paulie was right and that's okay with me. It's satisfying to be able to tackle something successfully. You work at something long enough and you'll eventually fix it or at least turn it into something useful. Heck, you might even turn it into something you didn't even know you needed!

So don't be afraid to try. Just take your time and think the problem through. Get creative if you need to. And remember there's no such thing as failure, because you can always apply what you've learned next time.

Why We Work

Most of us work because we need the money. We have families and obligations and plans and hopes for a better life. But when work is just about money it can suck the life out of you because you start to feel like a widget in a big grinding machine. This is what we've inherited from the Industrial Age.

Trouble is we are no longer in the Industrial Age. We are now living in a Service Economy and the structure and methodology of that past is no longer adequate. What we've lost as a result is the importance of work that has intrinsic value and meaning.

So who's job is it to give us jobs that have meaning? Jobs we can feel proud of where we have the opportunity to make the world better place?

Well, if you're waiting for Corporate America to do it then your going to be waiting a long time . . . like forever! Truth is they can't and never could do this. Sure they can run job pride up the flag pole, hand out t-shirts, and have rah-rah sessions until you think you're going to throw up, but it's not going to happen. It's not going to happen because it's not coming from the place it really needs to come from . . . the actual worker bees. You and me.

I was in a Staff Meeting once and the Operations Manager asked us who the most important person in the company was. People looked around like it was a trick question. I raised my hand, "Erma", I said. Erma was the older lady who cleaned the bathrooms and lunch area. The Manager looked at me and said, "Your absolutely right. If it wasn't for Erma you wouldn't want to work here." She wasn't the brightest person. She wasn't the prettiest person. She did her job to the best of her ability and never complained, because she knew. She knew everything she did made our work lives better.

So the truth is it's not so much what you do, but how you do it. It's something that comes from inside of you. There isn't a company in the world that can make that happen if you don't have it in you all ready. Not Google, not Apple, not Microsoft or any other company.

There isn't a position out there with any company where you can't find meaning and purpose in your work - whether it's solving an internal problem, helping a customer, or simply being kind to a co-worker. You're the only one who can discover the intrinsic value in what you do. Oh, sure, you're representing a company, but more than that you're representing YOU. Who you are. The quality of your character.

You might even end up being the brightest light in another persons life today. Like that cranky old lady who just called because she doesn't understand her bill? She may never hear from her children and be sadder than you know. She might just need a kind and understanding voice on the other end of the phone right now. And you know what? I can't think of a higher purpose than that.

Rule # 62

It was one of my lowest points. At the time I had three years sobriety. I had just quit the most stressful job I'd ever had because I was having anxiety attacks. I was afraid and uncertain what would happen next, but I was willing to protect my sobriety at any cost.

So, after giving my notice, I drove down to my home town Dunkin' Donuts for an iced coffee and hopefully to run into a fellow recovering drunk there. I wasn't disappointed. There alone at a pink table was one of the crustiest most hard core old timers I had ever known.

I sat down and he immediately knew I was in trouble.

"What's going on?" he asked.

I cried as I explained the situation and how I wondered what I'd do. I had rent, a car loan, and other expenses.

"Well, do you have enough money for today?" he asked.

I figured he was going to offer me money, but I didn't need any so I said, "Yes."

"Then what the hell are you crying about?!" he replied. "Listen, when you get home pick up the '12 & 12'*, go to the middle of page 149 and read what it says. I guarantee the next time you see me you'll be smiling."

"The hell I will old man!" I thought to myself.

But I'm no fool, so I did what he said, and there as plain as day in the middle of page 149 it said - "Don't take yourself too damn seriously."

I'm sure you can guess what I had on my face the next time I saw him.

..................

* The "12 & 12" is the name commonly used for the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions published by Alcoholics Anonymous

Feels Like Home

Sometimes, before I fall asleep, I lie in bed and let my thoughts ramble. Sometimes I get ideas, sometimes I get a feeling, and sometimes I just lie there and listen to the house.

When we moved into our first house in Massachusetts I was surprised how long it took me to feel like it was home. I remember going out to the back yard that fall and lying under a maple trying to feel grounded in the place. A few winters later I remember standing on the deck listening to the trees cracking under an ice storm wondering what would be left. Over time that little house in that starter neighborhood became our home.

When we moved to South Carolina the new house was a totally different style. A beachy open floor plan, lots of light reflecting off the lake with plenty of sunshine and Palm trees. We painted her insides bright colors and kept things airy. For the first couple years I felt like I was living in someone else's vacation home. A mile from the Intracoastal and five miles from the beach . . . I had to pinch myself to think we actually lived there. But eventually it became home.

When we sold that house and built yet another I was excited about the Craftsman design we picked off a website. We made modifications that eventually turned it into a neo-Craftsman meets Low-Country style. We extended the left side to create an in-law suite where Mary's father now lives. I love the layout, the large front porch where we sit for coffee on weekend mornings, the bricked back patio where you can watch the birds take turns at the feeder, the wooden slat fence in the backyard, and the traditional winding neighborhood. At first it felt like we were little kids dropped into a grown-up's house. But it's starting to feel like home now. It may end up being my favorite yet, but I'll let you know.

We live in these structures. They become us and we become them as our lives unfold and change within these walls. We open them to our friends, we hide in them when we feel less social, and hopefully we create memories that will last long after. And sometimes, just sometimes, we have to lay in the backyard under the trees smelling the fall leaves to ground ourselves and feel we are truly home.

Grab the Hoe!

This morning while I was walking Zoey Mary called me on my cell telling me she had killed a snake that was on the back patio with the hoe and she didn't know what kind it was. Later in the afternoon Mary's Dad was out hanging clothes and saw something he had never seen before and killed it (what ever it was) with the hoe. Tonight while I was getting all the loose items on the back patio put away for the storm I moved a chair and the tiniest of bats fell onto the pavers. Mary wanted me to poke it with the hoe, but I told her to leave it alone. A few minutes later it flew off. After that I went to the front porch to take down the rest of the hummingbird feeders and there was a giant dead bee belly up on the hood of my car. He was beyond any usefulness a hoe could bring.

Don't know what to tell you. It sure was a creature filled day at the house. Looks like I might have to start hiding the hoe.

In case you're wondering the creatures were as follows:

Banded Water Snake
Five-Lined Skink
Brown Bat
Wood-Warping Carpenter Bee

Simplicity

Certainly there is beauty in intricacy. Complexity is full of tantalizing paths and circuitous routes to get lost down. Philosophical discussions, religious apologetics, delicious debates on controversial subjects. They can be enjoyable for a time.

But in the quiet moments, when I seek clearness of mind, I focus on simplicity.

Simplicity is very important. It keeps the world manageable and intuitive. It gives me the ability to quickly assess situations. To bring together events, people, places, and things and consider them in a rational, meaningful way.

I know the world is a complex place. I know my knowledge is limited, but if I can hold such a delicate butterfly as this moment long enough to actually see her wings tremble with the joy of being alive then I'll be satisfied.

Because everything meaningful happens in this immediate, perfect, simple moment and more than anything else in the world I want to be awake to that.

Pushed or Pulled

You can either be pushed by things or pulled by things.

When pushed you are not quite ready, not quite committed, uneasy and unsure. When pulled you are engaged, your interest has been peaked, your curious and intrigued.

Both of these are doors of the same house. One is the front door, the other the back. It's the same house, but from different perspectives. But here's something you might not know - each of us is that house.

The only difference between the two doorways is fear and faith. I'm afraid I won't be able to pull it off. I'm afraid I'm inadequate. I'm afraid I'm not smart enough, or brave enough, or capable. I don't trust the Universe to guide and protect me.

But let me say this clearly, I want to be fearless not afraid. I want to experience the joy and wonder of going to a place I thought I couldn't go. I want to be pulled into new ideas, new perspectives, and new ways of seeing things from my heart and not kicking and screaming by my heels.

And what do we really have to lose? Looking foolish? Unprepared? Not as polished as we'd like to be? God forbid!

Well, let's get over that as soon as possible, because there's some pretty incredible adventures out there and I, for one, don't want to miss a single opportunity because of what I thought I couldn't do.

Compassion

There is nothing stronger than love expressed as compassion. It's what makes us fully human. When we genuinely love and care for another soul we not only elevate the life of that person, but ourselves as well. That's the remarkable thing about it.

There are natural laws of science, there are man-made laws created to keep peace and protect property, and then there are spiritual laws. Laws that when fully embraced produce changes not only in our behavior, but in our very countenance. They guide us and encourage us to treat all life as sacred. To honor that of God in every living thing.

The spiritual law of compassion is no less important. If anything it might even be the most important law you will ever obey. You see, when we obey the law of compassion by carrying for another person our hearts automatically change. We become more whole because we become a part of that person's life. It's an amazing alchemy. The more we repeat compassionate behavior the more whole we become.

I've seen the hardest soul softened by compassion. I've seen my own outlook and experience changed by reaching out and caring. We can get so focused on the events of our lives and our responsibilities that we fly past these opportunities and in doing so we miss so much of what life has to offer.

Take a moment today and reach out to someone else and let them know you care about them as a fellow human being. I guarantee you won't regret it. It might even change your life.

Hardware Software Flesh and Bones

My job involves assisting people who use computers to get work done. But in reality I help people and I fix things. Sometimes, when the stars align, I manage to get them both to work at the same time (glory be!).

Believe it or not computers have as much personality as a person. Every machine has its own quirks and each program has its own idiosyncrasies. An error message may not even be related to the issue at hand. Likewise, people can sometimes be regimented, inflexible, and intolerant. And the responses you get may be anything but what’s happening at the moment.

So it's a very interesting dance that I do - this constant ballet between zeros and ones, offs and ons, hardware and software, flesh and bone, spirit and will – sometimes it’s hard to say which can be the more difficult.

But one thing I do know . . . a physical key can only open the lock it was made for, but love from the human heart? That, my friend, opens all doors.