The Book

I would say in a figurative sense we re-make ourselves everyday. A creation story, if you will, where we become who we are meant to be. Perhaps that is where logic goes astray for some when it comes to the Biblical account of creation. Perhaps the entire Book, rich in symbolism and metaphor, is not meant to be so literal and exact. When looked at in that way it can be quite an amazing Book where truth is hidden in each story and not merely judged by bare facts that can't be proved.

Have we not each experienced our own Garden of Eden? Have we not desired the forbidden fruit? Have we never felt exiled and forsaken? Have we not been held captive and enslaved? Have we never had the fear of Giants in our bones or been thrown into the lion's den? Have we not felt swallowed by our surroundings? Have we never been at the well alone and ashamed and had someone accept us for who we are? Have we not sacrificed our own well-being for others? Have we never felt redemption in the arms of a lover or been saved by the faithfulness of a friend?

Because the facts can't be proved doesn't mean it isn't true in the sense that something in the ancient text is deeper and more poignant than mere facts.

Throughout the ages man has tried to explain his existence and the events of his life. How he came to be and what his purpose is. It's a common thread in the written word of all civilizations. We desperately want to understand. But there are things we will never understand and so we are left with these canonized Words we hope will guide us.

I can't prove these things actually happened. Perhaps the only thing I can prove is the truth lies within those pages when applied to life as reflective stories and parables. Story is a powerful thing my friend and that, along with the God of my understanding, is more than enough for me.

Last Week of December

This week, which bridges the old year to the new, is a magical week. We are still flush with the warmth of the giving Holidays and openly hopeful for the year to come. There's no other week like it.

We set out on this journey with little more than our name. If we are fortunate we are encouraged to reach high and follow our dreams. If not we eventually find our own way because life is like that. It has a way of unfolding and coming together just as it should. Eventually we come to where we are. This week. This in-between week where we look back and forge ahead at the same time.

Whatever this past year was to you, either good or bad, remember this - you are the person you are because of all that happened. One small change, one slight modification, and you would be a different you. We will never know what that person would be like, but we do know who we are right now and that's a powerful place to stand.

Orient yourself. Take stock. This next year promises to be another life changer. Play your part and I'll play mine. Each and every attempt we make to love and care about each other is an affirmative statement. Each and every act of kindness and consideration speaks volumes about who we are. You are not insignificant in the grand scheme of things. One single atom's change and the world would be a different place.

So let's celebrate what is and what can be. Love those you hold dear and keep them close. And as far as the year to come? Reach high and far and dream big, my friend, because you never know what it could bring. It might just be the best one yet!

Evening News

I like how the evening news started adding feel good stories at the end of their program even though the rest of it is a waste land of sensationalism, disasters, and pharmaceutical advertisements. Let's face it, good news doesn't sell ads the way horrible news does. They know exactly what they're doing and how to make the most of it. Sometimes I think the feel good stories are there just to keep them from feeling too guilty about the garbage they feed us. Our maybe it's to prevent the news anchors from slitting their wrists right on the set!

To be sure, the news the networks feed us is such a small carefully selected part of what's really happening out in the world. Once in a while you'll either hear something or see something so extraordinarily heart warming or reaffirming of the goodness of people that it stops you in your tracks. As human beings we have this amazing ability to act out of kindnesses once we understand that selflessness is to life what water is to the drought stricken - life giving.

There's hundreds if not thousands of people out there doing great and wonderful deeds everyday. Let's not let the negativity and hatefulness of the news color what we know about ourselves or keep us from our potential. Inside of each of us is a giving heart. If we live true to our selves and aren't afraid to be exposed to rejection or ridicule we can make a difference. That's the real news. People still care about each other!

I'm not talking about giving money, although sometimes that's exactly what's needed, I'm taking about giving something that's even more priceless . . . yourself! Oh sure, you may not make the news, but to the person you reach out to you might be the best thing that happened all year.

So let's go out there and make our own personal headlines!

Somethingness

We are a great entangled mystery of fleeting existence and powerful impact. A bit of fading mist with the ability to change the world.

Though we may be dust, my friend, we are the dust of the Universe! We are a galaxy in a thimble. The same life force that lives in all creation lives within us too. To think that there is that of God in such an fragile vessel as mankind is beyond understanding. And yet, that is what makes our brief existence so powerful. That is what gives our lives so much urgency and significance.

We are not nothingness, we are somethingness. Every breath that was ever taken from the beginning of time is still out there someplace. We take it into our lungs everyday and add our own to the mix. We build on the shoulders of all who have come before us. If we fail it is only to the extent that we do not care and will not love. If we succeed it is in direct relation to our understanding of how precious a gift we have.

There is much we can do in our short tenuous lives but there is so much more we can become. To love and be loved, to make this world a kinder place, this is the soul reason we are here. There is no greater thing we can do.

Cherish your life and give from your heart.

7B1

"I didn't understand the difference between intelligence and knowledge. So I assumed I was an idiot." J.D. Vance ~ Hillbilly Elegy

In some respects I am and always will be a 7B1.

In seventh grade we moved from Shawswick, a country school, to Bedford Junior High. I don't remember being tested, but what I do remember is ending up in the 7B1 class. It didn't take long to realize that 7B1 was the lowest level of the seventh grade class structure. Once that became clear to me I accepted the fact that wasn't as smart as some of the other kids my age, otherwise I would have been put in a higher bracket. It was just a fact of life evidenced by my continual struggle with math and reading.

That classification stuck with me for years. Even when my twin sister and I were accepted at college I figured it was because the school needed the money not because of my dazzling SATs. My family scratched together the additional money we needed to supplement the grants and loans we were awarded along with work study. It was a semester by semester endeavor.

It wasn't until late my Sophomore year in college that a friend majoring in Early Childhood Education suggested I take a skills test. Turns out I'm dyslexic. Not in the totally non-functional way, but in the just enough to flip digits when ciphering math and losing tracking when reading kind of way. Who knew?

So with that little bit of self knowledge I slowly started doing better in my studies. 

I majored in Art. I never dreamed of majoring in anything else. Truth is Art and Music saved me, although I never realized it was a special gift. It came so easy I thought everyone could do it. I just thought they put efforts in other more academic things. Of course learning to read music was out of the question.The first time I took Psychology in college I failed. A year later I aced it. I completely made up my final term paper using handmade drawings and diagrams to illustrate my thesis. I had to dig just to come up with a believable bibliography. When I got the paper back it had an A+ on it. The professor requested I see her after class. I bolted. I was afraid my fraud would be discovered. Now I wonder how my life would have changed if I had "fessed up". That was when I realized that I might actually be smarter than I thought.

And yet, it wasn't until after I had graduated from college that I got up the courage to try to read a book all the way through, cover to cover, for the first time. I was 23. I went to the bookstore and picked the thinnest classic I could find . . . The Scarlett Letter. After that I pushed myself to read another, and then another, and then another until I became a consistent reader. Oh sure, I might be slower than most, but now after all these years of reading and continual learning I feel that I truly understand the difference between intelligence and knowledge and the reality of disability vs. potential.

What's really funny is in the end I married into a family of Educators. When I first met my father-in-law he asked me what my career aspirations were. Poor guy never realized I actually made it up on the spot. Turns out what I told him was the exact path my work life took. I've been working in the IT field for nearly 20 years now.

So in the end the 7B1 classification was just a label and not reality. It's my history to be sure, part of who I am and the person I've become. Through persistence and perseverance I have to say I'm feeling pretty confident in my abilities these days and it turns out I'm a pretty smart person after all, if I do say so myself!

Real Friends

Something about clicking a link to add a friend and clicking a link to remove a friend has always seemed too easy to me anyway. Facebook isn't real-life. It's make believe. It's how folks create the life they want to present to the rest of the world. The REAL friends you have are the friends you care about. Friends you call regularly, go out to dinner with, sit on the beach with, take weekends or vacations with, who accept you for who you are, and can disagree with but still love dearly. And then there's your kindred spirit friends you don't see for months or years on end, but when you finally get together it's like time never passed. There's a lot to be said for that. Oh sure, it's fun to get in touch with old classmates, college acquaintances, and buddies from old jobs - but after its all said and done your real friends are right here by your elbow either in fact or in heart no matter what stupid things you might say it do.

Our United States

Our United States of America has always been a churning changing place. A delicately balanced, close to the edge, proposition. Each election we give her to another batch of dreamers who we hope will bring her to her glory. It's strange we never believe she is at her best in the present. Instead we are nostalgic for "the golden years" when she was that Great City on the Hill. But if we were honest we'd have to admit that that time only exits in our minds. She has always been in the throes of childbirth, a changeling, an elusive goal.

That doesn't mean we don't hope to make her great, to lift our lamp beside the golden door. But let's not fool ourselves. She is always in the making and never completely ready for the dance. She is a living breathing organism made up of this ever changing political stew of ideas and hopes and dreams. She is not breakable, she is resilient and shapeable.

We are the fortunate children of former immigrants who hoped to give us a better life. A life that has always been more perceived than actual. America is our ideal. A moldable framework we shape over and over again. She is not meant to be rigid institutions or stodgy legislation. She moves, she breathes, she flexes and stretches with the times. Our treasured Constitution is very much alive. We constantly apply it to our changing world. Even when we try to "hold to the original intent of the framers" we're basing our judgement on the current perception of history.

So here's what I have to say during this unsettling time. Don't be afraid. Hold on to your ideal of our country and its people. Fight for what you believe is right. Make your voice heard. Don't be shy. Be active in the making of this great country. Hold elected officials accountable. This is what America is all about. This is what makes Her great. This is what makes US great.

Being Right

As humans we need to feel special simply because we are ego based beings. It's at the core of who we are. And even though I can only see the world through my own eyes, don't have a frame of reference other than the one colored by my own experiences, and can't divorce myself from myself that doesn't give me a pass to do or say whatever I please.

Relationships are delicate things. The things we say to each other either without thinking, calculatedly, or in total disregard of someone else's feelings are some of the most ugly and unforgivable things we do as a species on this planet. It's a sad commentary on our society that this sort of behavior is so pervasive today.

When conversations devolve into competitions intent on showing off status (who we are, the people we know, what we do for a living, our political leanings, our religious dogmas and all the other things we think make us better than other people) we do a great disservice to the those around us. It's not like anyone else really cares about our status except us. If anything it becomes an obstacle.

But, if we can keep our egos at bay long enough to give each other room to share and talk and participate in the general conversation of life then we learn how important each and every one of us are to our own survival. We all have something to contribute. We all have value and purpose.

That one-sided conversation we were having was actually hurting us and preventing us from sharing our hopes and dreams and experiences. It was keeping us from being close to each other and caring about each other and getting through the tough times despite all our differences.

You see, my friend, in the end "being right" never out weighs being love.

Life

Knowing our life will end someday should give us new eyes each and every day.

Most times we live life like it will go on forever. And while that's a lie we like to tell ourselves it robs us of the importance each hour holds - these fleeting present moments where we live our days.

What we should fear is not death, but not living life while we have it. Ignoring the sweetness of the days we have. Not to wish away the hours, but make each and every day special with the knowledge of its limits. To love and care about each other. To be there when we're needed because our actions and inactions have consequences that will far out live our lives.

Life is messy. I'll admit it. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. Sometimes life is just what it is. Don't ignore it or waste it away. It's precious. It's special. It's the one thing you can call your own. You have something more valuable than anything else in the world - life and the freedom to make it whatever your want. It's the only gift you have to give this crazy mixed up world.

And in the end it will be the love you gave, the kindness you showed, and the care in which you lived your days that will live beyond the last breath you take.

Good Day Bad Day

Sometimes the difference between a good day and a bad day is so small you might not even notice. It cloud be as simple as a smile. As easy as a kind word. It could happen in a heartbeat or it could take all afternoon.

It's less what happens to you, and more what happens inside you. It's that one moment when you realize were all the same. Nobody is better than anyone else. Everyone has the same hopes and dreams and goals and concerns. We're all trying to get to the same place. The place that feels like home. Where we feel like we're supposed to be.

Imagine you and I meet in the hallway at work and suddenly we realize that's true. That the best way to make this crazy world work is to work together. To help each other instead of get in each others way. I help you and you help me. We both get what we need and where we need to go.

I don't think life is the battle we all think it is. I think it's about pulling together. Helping each other. Doing what we can to show kindness and understanding to each other. Sometimes life is easy, sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it's just what it is. Might as well help each other in the process. Might as well do our best to made things better if we can.

Problem Solver

Paulie said to me, "There are two different kinds of people in the world, problem creators and problem solvers, and you know which one you are, Kris? You're a problem solver!"

Wish that life were so simple.

It's true. I spend most of my time solving problems and fixing things. It's what I do. And for the most part it comes easy to me. I'm not sure why. Basically I just take the time to figure out how something should work and then go from there. It's amazing how things come together if you just take the time to examine it before you set out to fix it.

I learned this from watching my Dad. He knew enough about things mechanical, electrical, and spatial to figure out just about anything, and what he didn't know he just applied basic logic to. He was a master at improvising. If he didn't have the tool he needed he'd figure out how to make another work in its place. He was thoughtful, being sure not to create additional work for himself, and methodical. He was always a few steps ahead in his thinkingy as he went along making sure whatever he did in step one didn't affect the success of steps four and five. These are the qualities that make a good problem solver.

Some people comment about the amount of patience I have when I'm working on something. Not sure if I really am. Indeed there are things I can be very impatient about. But give me a good puzzle, something that takes a bit of logic, strategy, and planning and I could go all day long. It's just flat out fun to me.

So I guess Paulie was right and that's okay with me. It's satisfying to be able to tackle something successfully. You work at something long enough and you'll eventually fix it or at least turn it into something useful. Heck, you might even turn it into something you didn't even know you needed!

So don't be afraid to try. Just take your time and think the problem through. Get creative if you need to. And remember there's no such thing as failure, because you can always apply what you've learned next time.

Why We Work

Most of us work because we need the money. We have families and obligations and plans and hopes for a better life. But when work is just about money it can suck the life out of you because you start to feel like a widget in a big grinding machine. This is what we've inherited from the Industrial Age.

Trouble is we are no longer in the Industrial Age. We are now living in a Service Economy and the structure and methodology of that past is no longer adequate. What we've lost as a result is the importance of work that has intrinsic value and meaning.

So who's job is it to give us jobs that have meaning? Jobs we can feel proud of where we have the opportunity to make the world better place?

Well, if you're waiting for Corporate America to do it then your going to be waiting a long time . . . like forever! Truth is they can't and never could do this. Sure they can run job pride up the flag pole, hand out t-shirts, and have rah-rah sessions until you think you're going to throw up, but it's not going to happen. It's not going to happen because it's not coming from the place it really needs to come from . . . the actual worker bees. You and me.

I was in a Staff Meeting once and the Operations Manager asked us who the most important person in the company was. People looked around like it was a trick question. I raised my hand, "Erma", I said. Erma was the older lady who cleaned the bathrooms and lunch area. The Manager looked at me and said, "Your absolutely right. If it wasn't for Erma you wouldn't want to work here." She wasn't the brightest person. She wasn't the prettiest person. She did her job to the best of her ability and never complained, because she knew. She knew everything she did made our work lives better.

So the truth is it's not so much what you do, but how you do it. It's something that comes from inside of you. There isn't a company in the world that can make that happen if you don't have it in you all ready. Not Google, not Apple, not Microsoft or any other company.

There isn't a position out there with any company where you can't find meaning and purpose in your work - whether it's solving an internal problem, helping a customer, or simply being kind to a co-worker. You're the only one who can discover the intrinsic value in what you do. Oh, sure, you're representing a company, but more than that you're representing YOU. Who you are. The quality of your character.

You might even end up being the brightest light in another persons life today. Like that cranky old lady who just called because she doesn't understand her bill? She may never hear from her children and be sadder than you know. She might just need a kind and understanding voice on the other end of the phone right now. And you know what? I can't think of a higher purpose than that.

Rule # 62

It was one of my lowest points. At the time I had three years sobriety. I had just quit the most stressful job I'd ever had because I was having anxiety attacks. I was afraid and uncertain what would happen next, but I was willing to protect my sobriety at any cost.

So, after giving my notice, I drove down to my home town Dunkin' Donuts for an iced coffee and hopefully to run into a fellow recovering drunk there. I wasn't disappointed. There alone at a pink table was one of the crustiest most hard core old timers I had ever known.

I sat down and he immediately knew I was in trouble.

"What's going on?" he asked.

I cried as I explained the situation and how I wondered what I'd do. I had rent, a car loan, and other expenses.

"Well, do you have enough money for today?" he asked.

I figured he was going to offer me money, but I didn't need any so I said, "Yes."

"Then what the hell are you crying about?!" he replied. "Listen, when you get home pick up the '12 & 12'*, go to the middle of page 149 and read what it says. I guarantee the next time you see me you'll be smiling."

"The hell I will old man!" I thought to myself.

But I'm no fool, so I did what he said, and there as plain as day in the middle of page 149 it said - "Don't take yourself too damn seriously."

I'm sure you can guess what I had on my face the next time I saw him.

..................

* The "12 & 12" is the name commonly used for the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions published by Alcoholics Anonymous

Feels Like Home

Sometimes, before I fall asleep, I lie in bed and let my thoughts ramble. Sometimes I get ideas, sometimes I get a feeling, and sometimes I just lie there and listen to the house.

When we moved into our first house in Massachusetts I was surprised how long it took me to feel like it was home. I remember going out to the back yard that fall and lying under a maple trying to feel grounded in the place. A few winters later I remember standing on the deck listening to the trees cracking under an ice storm wondering what would be left. Over time that little house in that starter neighborhood became our home.

When we moved to South Carolina the new house was a totally different style. A beachy open floor plan, lots of light reflecting off the lake with plenty of sunshine and Palm trees. We painted her insides bright colors and kept things airy. For the first couple years I felt like I was living in someone else's vacation home. A mile from the Intracoastal and five miles from the beach . . . I had to pinch myself to think we actually lived there. But eventually it became home.

When we sold that house and built yet another I was excited about the Craftsman design we picked off a website. We made modifications that eventually turned it into a neo-Craftsman meets Low-Country style. We extended the left side to create an in-law suite where Mary's father now lives. I love the layout, the large front porch where we sit for coffee on weekend mornings, the bricked back patio where you can watch the birds take turns at the feeder, the wooden slat fence in the backyard, and the traditional winding neighborhood. At first it felt like we were little kids dropped into a grown-up's house. But it's starting to feel like home now. It may end up being my favorite yet, but I'll let you know.

We live in these structures. They become us and we become them as our lives unfold and change within these walls. We open them to our friends, we hide in them when we feel less social, and hopefully we create memories that will last long after. And sometimes, just sometimes, we have to lay in the backyard under the trees smelling the fall leaves to ground ourselves and feel we are truly home.

Grab the Hoe!

This morning while I was walking Zoey Mary called me on my cell telling me she had killed a snake that was on the back patio with the hoe and she didn't know what kind it was. Later in the afternoon Mary's Dad was out hanging clothes and saw something he had never seen before and killed it (what ever it was) with the hoe. Tonight while I was getting all the loose items on the back patio put away for the storm I moved a chair and the tiniest of bats fell onto the pavers. Mary wanted me to poke it with the hoe, but I told her to leave it alone. A few minutes later it flew off. After that I went to the front porch to take down the rest of the hummingbird feeders and there was a giant dead bee belly up on the hood of my car. He was beyond any usefulness a hoe could bring.

Don't know what to tell you. It sure was a creature filled day at the house. Looks like I might have to start hiding the hoe.

In case you're wondering the creatures were as follows:

Banded Water Snake
Five-Lined Skink
Brown Bat
Wood-Warping Carpenter Bee

Simplicity

Certainly there is beauty in intricacy. Complexity is full of tantalizing paths and circuitous routes to get lost down. Philosophical discussions, religious apologetics, delicious debates on controversial subjects. They can be enjoyable for a time.

But in the quiet moments, when I seek clearness of mind, I focus on simplicity.

Simplicity is very important. It keeps the world manageable and intuitive. It gives me the ability to quickly assess situations. To bring together events, people, places, and things and consider them in a rational, meaningful way.

I know the world is a complex place. I know my knowledge is limited, but if I can hold such a delicate butterfly as this moment long enough to actually see her wings tremble with the joy of being alive then I'll be satisfied.

Because everything meaningful happens in this immediate, perfect, simple moment and more than anything else in the world I want to be awake to that.

Pushed or Pulled

You can either be pushed by things or pulled by things.

When pushed you are not quite ready, not quite committed, uneasy and unsure. When pulled you are engaged, your interest has been peaked, your curious and intrigued.

Both of these are doors of the same house. One is the front door, the other the back. It's the same house, but from different perspectives. But here's something you might not know - each of us is that house.

The only difference between the two doorways is fear and faith. I'm afraid I won't be able to pull it off. I'm afraid I'm inadequate. I'm afraid I'm not smart enough, or brave enough, or capable. I don't trust the Universe to guide and protect me.

But let me say this clearly, I want to be fearless not afraid. I want to experience the joy and wonder of going to a place I thought I couldn't go. I want to be pulled into new ideas, new perspectives, and new ways of seeing things from my heart and not kicking and screaming by my heels.

And what do we really have to lose? Looking foolish? Unprepared? Not as polished as we'd like to be? God forbid!

Well, let's get over that as soon as possible, because there's some pretty incredible adventures out there and I, for one, don't want to miss a single opportunity because of what I thought I couldn't do.

Compassion

There is nothing stronger than love expressed as compassion. It's what makes us fully human. When we genuinely love and care for another soul we not only elevate the life of that person, but ourselves as well. That's the remarkable thing about it.

There are natural laws of science, there are man-made laws created to keep peace and protect property, and then there are spiritual laws. Laws that when fully embraced produce changes not only in our behavior, but in our very countenance. They guide us and encourage us to treat all life as sacred. To honor that of God in every living thing.

The spiritual law of compassion is no less important. If anything it might even be the most important law you will ever obey. You see, when we obey the law of compassion by carrying for another person our hearts automatically change. We become more whole because we become a part of that person's life. It's an amazing alchemy. The more we repeat compassionate behavior the more whole we become.

I've seen the hardest soul softened by compassion. I've seen my own outlook and experience changed by reaching out and caring. We can get so focused on the events of our lives and our responsibilities that we fly past these opportunities and in doing so we miss so much of what life has to offer.

Take a moment today and reach out to someone else and let them know you care about them as a fellow human being. I guarantee you won't regret it. It might even change your life.

Hardware Software Flesh and Bones

My job involves assisting people who use computers to get work done. But in reality I help people and I fix things. Sometimes, when the stars align, I manage to get them both to work at the same time (glory be!).

Believe it or not computers have as much personality as a person. Every machine has its own quirks and each program has its own idiosyncrasies. An error message may not even be related to the issue at hand. Likewise, people can sometimes be regimented, inflexible, and intolerant. And the responses you get may be anything but what’s happening at the moment.

So it's a very interesting dance that I do - this constant ballet between zeros and ones, offs and ons, hardware and software, flesh and bone, spirit and will – sometimes it’s hard to say which can be the more difficult.

But one thing I do know . . . a physical key can only open the lock it was made for, but love from the human heart? That, my friend, opens all doors.

Fail on the Side of Love

Don't let what you've been told to believe dictate how you act. If you are going to fail in the eyes of others always always always fail on the side of Love.